Everything you weren't.....

I heard a song today by Demi Lovato called "everything you're not". It sounded like a volume of my life from the previous 2 years before Chris.

"I've been bruised and I've been broken, can't believe that I've put up with all this pain. I've been used and I was choking on the promise that I would never fall again. I used to sing to your twisted symphony, the weights that had me trapped inside your misery and now I know the reason why I couldn't breathe cause all I want is everything you're not"

You still cross my mind, don't think that you don't but I know the damage you are capable of, not that I didn't know back then but I trusted you and as I have learned from the one person who HAS loved me, my past and all my therapy, I do not always have the best judgement of who to trust. Just because I think about you does not mean I want anything to do with you. I tried, I tried to be friends, but you have never realized that it is a two way street and I am tired of running both ways. Now, I can breathe and I am grateful for that.

New Year, New Me

So, 2012 is just around the corner and it is time to reflect on the last year and make goals for the next. They say 2012 is the last year that is on the Mayan Calendar and that means that an apocalypse will come at the end of the year, I say "yeah right"......but what if? what if this is my last year on earth, what if this is all of our last year on earth. What would you want yours to be like. I want mine filled with quality friendship, family, success and most importantly LOVE. This last year of my life has been a roller coaster, It's had its ups and downs and scary parts. There has been a lot of uncertainty and a lot of new things for me to experience. I've spent my first full year with an amazing man who loves me more than anyone else ever has tried to. Chris and I have had our issues, but what couple doesn't? Through it all I know that he is my future and I am his. I know that no matter the difficulty he loves me and I love him enough to make it work. This last year has been a tough one, I am working on a divorce to finally set me free and I am also working on bettering myself and healing from the pain of the destruction that marriage along with all the pain of all the other trauma I have put myself  or allowed myself to go through. I have hope that I will be better soon and that, my dear readers, is my goal for 2012..... to simply get better and be better to myself and those that I love.

What is your goal?