what if.......

have you ever thought about what your life would be like if you had done just one little thing differently? Every choice you have made in your life has shaped who you are as a person. Realistically, If you changed even just one choice that you think is inconsequential in your life then that leads to the next choice that came after that, and the one after that, and the one after that.....

I have been thinking a lot about the choices I have made in my life. I do my best not to regret anything I do in my life, no matter how bad the outcome. I realize that even just one misstep in my life can lead me to amazing places if given enough time. I have been through enough heartbreak in my life to turn me into a cynical, bitter person, yet I have refused to let that happen. I have cried, picked up the pieces and grabbed my glue gun and bedazzler to try and repair the damage that was done. I have trusted the wrong people in some parts of my life, I just learn from it and move on and hope that the next person I trust is not going to take advantage of my good nature, I refuse to let it stop me from giving.

I have been asked numerous times how I continue to love, believe, cherish, hope, pray and just know that love exists....how I just continue to be open to the possibility that someone will love me the way that I think I deserve, even after all the heartbreak. What other option do I have? Sure, I could close myself off and believe that everyone will hurt me, believe that I will never be enough, or that everyone lies or leaves....but, in the end, who am I hurting? Myself.

I have been up and down, in and out, and round and round, but I will always believe that love exists, miracles happen and fate can change anything. There is too much bad in this world for there not to be a counter action. No one ever said that love or life is easy, but the ride is definitely something to experience and cherish. At least for me it is.... I want to be old and telling my grandchildren about the amazing, fantastic things I have seen and felt, The loves I have had, the life I have lived.

There may have been tears, but there were smiles and wonderment too.... the tears are just temporary lessons on the path to who I am meant to be. As children we are taught that we can be anything we want to be.....I just want to be a loving, faithful, caring, compassionate person who still believes in the magic and beauty that this world has to offer. I don't care about being rich or having material possesions to show off,  I would rather have amazing children, a real life true love story, and the belief that there is still some magic to see in this world that I can't explain....when I have achieved this, that will be enough for me.

Beauty and magic are everywhere, you just have to believe enough. I challenge each and every one of you to look again, look deeper, take a few extra seconds to just really look (Don't worry, that meeting, phone call, store, errand or anything else that seems so important today will still be there in 20 seconds). Believe that you can see it and just look. Don't let previous errors in judgement, previous pain, tears or cynicism stop you, cause it is when you stop that you die.....keep going and open your heart to the possibility that maybe, just maybe, something in this world (whether it be god, fate, angels, buddha...whatever you believe in) knows better and can give you what you need.

As humans, we are built to make mistakes, we are not meant to be perfect. We are made to forgive, forgiving someone is not weakness....it just means that you are strong enough to realize that someone messed up. Remember, it is always easier to ask for forgiveness that to wait for permission. Love, with all your heart (even if it has been broken before), open your eyes and see what others refuse to, think outside of the box, don't be afraid to be different, give more than you recieve, help someone (there is always someone who needs a helping hand, but is too afraid to ask for it), open your mind and believe that there could always be a better way, just be yourself or hell, just be.......