So, apparently I am a bad person because people don't like that I blog about them.... Well, tough cookies....this is my blog and part of my therapy so I will write about what I want and what is important to me. If you don't like it then stop reading.
I am tired of being a door mat. There are certain people in my life that I have bent over backwards for and have gotten nothing but hurt in return. I am used as a punching bag, sexual conquest, and therapist (amongst other things) and I AM TIRED OF IT!!! You can only push someone so far before they break and I am completely broken!
I screw up, I make mistakes, I am not perfect and I know this. I also apologize to people when I have made an error in judgement or done something to hurt someone. I do this by saying "I am sorry, I screwed up... what can I do to make it up to you?" not by wordplay, pretty letters, just ignoring it or illusion.... I have no problem saying I have screwed up, but I can only apologize so many times for the same thing before I have nothing left to do to make it up.
When someone hurts me I try to just let it go and move on and hope they will do better next time and have the faith in them that they can do better. Is that same treatment EVER extended to me? NO. I continually get it brought up every time I screw up (whether it is relevant to the situation or not) and I have to continually apologize for it. I am tired of apologizing numerous times for the same mistake! I am sorry! what else do you want?! blood? money? my first born child? what will make it end and why do I always have to be the bad guy?
I am tired of being the punching bag, I am tired of being the bigger person, I am tired of acting like I am not hurt and I am tired of never being able to tell these people that they are wrong sometimes too! If there is one thing I carry with me from my grandparents.... it is the ABSOLUTE belief that NO ONE is perfect and EVERYONE makes mistakes. It is sometimes much easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission. I, for one, will continue to apologize when I have done wrong and I will try always to forgive others before they even have to ask. This is who I am, but next time you are going to be angry with me.... maybe you should take a second and think about the things you may have done to hurt me. I am not going to allow anyone, and I do mean ANYONE, to hurt me any longer. I bend to please people and I am done doing that. From here on out..... I am doing what is best for me and my family.... no one else, if you don't like that then I am sorry.... but that is how it is.
You are going to have to learn to accept NO.... I know, from me it will be a hard thing to hear for a lot of people.... but I have been saying yes to too many things I have not wanted to do and no one (including myself) has ever put MY best interests first, and it is damn time that I do that and stop expecting people that I care about to do it.....
I am sorry if this hurts or offends anyone, but I am taking a stand and being who I was meant to be. I am going to put me and my family first and only say "yes" when I sincerily mean it. This is what I have to do to get better and make myself happy again and I apprieciate all the people who have either positively or negatively affected who I have become, becuase without each of you this would not be possible. I hope those that I love will accept this, but if not, then there's the door (no questions asked). All I ask is that you be courteous enough to let me know you are leaving.
Dawn
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