I have been in a lot of bad relationships over the years and some of them I knew were bad during the relationship, some I didn't realize until after the relationship was over. Some were bad because of situations and some were bad because of the compatibility between me and the other person. Each of those relationships have taught me something though......how to appreciate a good relationship when it comes along. And come along it has!
I have spent my life dreaming of a real life "love story" like the one my grandparents had. They were each other's 2nd marriage and they loved each other more than anything in the world. My grandmother Irene passed away in Oct of 89, my grandpa quickly fell apart and gave up the will to live. He passed in Dec. of 89, almost exactly 2 months to the day of my grandmothers passing. To me, even at 8, this spoke volumes of my grandpa's love for my grandma. He just could not bear to go on without her and didn't even want to try to, I could tell that every morning when he woke up he had no clue how to go on without her (I could see it in his eyes) and he had no idea how to go to bed alone without her every night. While the 2 months between their passings was hard on us, I can only imagine the personal hell that my grandpa was going through without his soul mate and best friend at his side. All the years I was around my grandparents I could tell how much love they had for each other. It was just alive around them, it was tangible, you could not only feel and see it, you could taste it. There was never ANY doubt that they were still madly in love with each other until their final days together, and even in death my grandpa could not bear to go on without her. I feel that had it be a reversed situation, my grandmother would have done the same thing as my grandpa did.
I have always wanted to find my soul-mate and best friend, I have always wanted to be in love, but more importantly....I have always wanted what my grandparents shared. Someone who would love me and want me as much as I loved and wanted them. Someone who could finally make me feel like I was good enough, and someone who could make me want to be a better person. Someone I could trust with my heart and know that they would not hurt me just because they could or just to knock me down a peg or two.
I met Chris about 2 months ago and while the timing was not perfect or ideal, neither of us could deny that it just felt "right". I gave him my number that night (the way he was so nervous was sooooo adorable) and tried to convince myself all the way home and all the next morning that if he didn't call I would be ok. Sure enough, around noon, I got a text message from him asking if he could make me dinner that night. I spent an hour terrified to say yes (for fear of getting hurt), but not terrified enough to say no (because I could already tell that I REALLY liked him). I ended up going to dinner that night and it was the best decision I ever made. Everything was so comfortable and easy (how I figured love was always supposed to be....) The entire night I felt like I was hanging out with my best friend, he was so easy to talk to and just be around. I could tell this time was going to be different, I knew Chris was different from other men I had dated or been in relationships with.
Now, I am not going to say that every day for the last 2 months have been rosy and perfect, but it has been amazing. Chris and I are capable of communicating, we are able to just be together and just be ourselves. I knew I was absolutely in love with him when we were talking on the phone one night about a week into our relationship and he started telling me a story about how some of his employees were talking about the movie "Who framed Roger Rabbit?". The synopsis of the movie that followed just amazed me and made me laugh harder than I have probably EVER laughed in my life. It wasn't anything extravagant, but just they way he said it and the tone in his voice, just amazed me and made me realize just how incredibly, amazingly, and wonderfully smart and funny he was (which are two of my major weaknesses). I knew in that very moment that there was no way I could live the rest of my life without this man in it. I knew this was the man I had been searching my entire life for, and the man that I wanted to wake up to when I was 90. I spent the next week doing everything in my power to not say "I love you" for fear of scaring him off or freaking him out.
One night I was making him dinner and was in the process of cutting and baking raw chicken (I cannot stand the feel of raw chicken, it grosses me out lol) and I started to say "you know I must like you if I am touching raw chicken for you" and instead I said "you know I must LOVE you if I am touching raw chicken for you". I will never forget that, Chris just stopped and looked at me for about 10 seconds while I just stared straight ahead and hoped he hadn't picked up on it, terrified he was going to freak out (although I knew by the way he stopped mid motion that he HAD heard EVERY word of it). He said "Did you just say you love me?", I sheepishly said "Yes.....", He said "I love you too" and I could tell he meant every word of it.
He is amazing, sweet, incredible, sexy and sooooo very good to me. I have no doubt that this is the man I was supposed to find and end up with, I am only sorry that it took this long for us to find each other. My theory is that we weren't ready for each other until now and that is why it took so long for us to find each other. We have both been hurt before and we have both been through enough to know how to do it right this time. I finally know where I want to spend my happy ending and who I want to be by my side in that happy ending. I would be naive to believe that everyday for the rest of our lives would be perfect, but it will absolutely be worth it.
I would rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else.
I would rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself.
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy alone.
Remember I'll always love you, you are the one who holds my heart.
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